how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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