I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
