this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
