Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.