for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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