I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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