Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
