remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
