hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
