I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
