Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Is it penis luge time yet?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize