so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
