when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
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Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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