Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
