I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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