marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
