I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
P.S. I can't hear my feet
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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