Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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