I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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