If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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