They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
