we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
