She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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