Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
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I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
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If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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