haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
