well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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