I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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