Pants 0. Shit 1.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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