I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
