Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
