So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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