mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
