He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
