You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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