do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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