You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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