Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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