my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
