I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
