I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
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she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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