You're completely useless in the revolution.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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