Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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