woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
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Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
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Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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