good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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