Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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