I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Someone signed my nipple.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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