So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
