I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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