i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
