I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
