do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
