Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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