she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
