Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
