I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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