Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
