I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
