he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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