Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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