I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I pour the whiskey from now on
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
