shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
