The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I AM VODKA MAN
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Dick very happy bro
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
