her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
