I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
