Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
jump out the window naked night went bad
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