So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
