Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
