wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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